This paper-letter subversively critiques the drive for cultural homogenization in India, focusing specifically on the imposition of a singular dress code for Hindus as part of a broader Hindutva agenda. It reflects, through sarcastic and satirical tools, on the historical evolution of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS) uniform and juxtaposes it with the varied, regionally influenced dress practices of so-called “Hindus” (?) across the geo-political imagination of India. The letter raises concerns about the suppression of cultural heterogeneity and the imposition of a monolithic standard of dress under the guise of a given normativity of religious (equated with the national) unity. Using examples from recent political debates, such as the RSS’ shift from shorts to trousers and the hijab controversy, the authors advocate for a standardized dress code (by intentionally masking themselves as Hindutvavadins) that aligns with the so-called projection of “sanātana” values while rejecting purportedly the “foreign and Islamic” influences. The letter also explores how traditional Hindu dress has been influenced by colonial derivations and global fashion trends. It concludes by urging national leaders to establish a rigid, uniform dress code for Hindus, arguing that this would reinforce the ideological foundations of Hindutva while marginalizing alternative cultural expressions. This critical analysis addresses the dangers of cultural erasure and the paradoxical nature of enforcing uniformity in a society marked by deep-seated diversity.