This open letter to Ajay Piramal is a satirical indictment of Piramal as an agential structure of corporate power, wielding pratijñābhaṅga, dharma, and satyāgraha to expose the contradictions of “conscious capitalism,” the DHFL “resolution” (?), depositor dispossession, and the collusive architecture linking capital, State apparatus, and institutional power. Piramal is neither an isolated individual nor an aberration, but a particularly revealing node in India’s dynastic neo-capitalist order—the same oligarchic formation embodied, in their own equally consequential ways, by Adani and Ambani, the notorious twins of India’s corporate duopoly.